20060222

a willing ear

Falling in and out of love. I feel like God is this constant in my life, however inconsistent I may be, He is the same. Which I suppose is an obvious truth. The way I feel about Him is inconsistent. Wait... Not even the way I feel about Him, really. I always truly love God, I feel. My heart always desires Him. But what seems to change so much is how I feel I'm supposed to relate to Him. I can't seem to get it in my head that the way He feels about me is constant.
Last night I realized that in a way, I haven't been "looking Him in the eyes" when I talk to Him. I speak to Him, lately, like one speaks to a room full of people, directing his words at no one in particular, hoping someone will hear and perhaps even respond. This revelation saddens me. It wasn't always as this. I pray it changes. And I pray that prayer catches a willing ear.

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