i'm retarded

and apparently a coward. and i'm sick. shit, i didn't wanna just ramble about stupid stuff on here. too late now, i guess. i hope i sleep for a few weeks...

a willing ear

Falling in and out of love. I feel like God is this constant in my life, however inconsistent I may be, He is the same. Which I suppose is an obvious truth. The way I feel about Him is inconsistent. Wait... Not even the way I feel about Him, really. I always truly love God, I feel. My heart always desires Him. But what seems to change so much is how I feel I'm supposed to relate to Him. I can't seem to get it in my head that the way He feels about me is constant.
Last night I realized that in a way, I haven't been "looking Him in the eyes" when I talk to Him. I speak to Him, lately, like one speaks to a room full of people, directing his words at no one in particular, hoping someone will hear and perhaps even respond. This revelation saddens me. It wasn't always as this. I pray it changes. And I pray that prayer catches a willing ear.

PHELICKS IS LOST. LOSE 3 DAYS.

On the way to Oregon. Actually... that doesn't sound like a bad idea...

I've lost motivation temporarily. Maybe Phelicks took it with him. Poor, Phelicks. I'm sure he didn't mean to wander so far from the trail. Now, we'll all be stuck in the rockies at winter.

I need summer.